I haven't posted here for a few days because I've been busy. That's not entirely true. I'm always busy, but the real reason for my absence is that I've been descending from my pink cloud.
I've been on such an emotional and physical high this past month, and then Tuesday I woke up, and it was gone. For no reason other than my damn brain chemistry. What gets me is that after all these years, practically my whole life, of living with depression/bi-polar, I'm still shocked when the down swing happens. I'm taking all my meds, being active, making progress toward my personal and professional goals. Things are going great. Then they're not.
What I have to remind myself is that things are still great. It's just that I'm going through a depressive time after an incredibly manic phase.
There are people who think that depression/bi-polar disorder are bullshit terms or excuses, but anyone who really knows me and has lived through this with me, knows how painful it is. I no longer make apologies for the way I am. Nor do I dwell on it. I write about it for two reasons.
1. Writing is my release. It's how I unburden my soul.
2. There are other people, some addicts, some not, that go through this exact thing.
That's the main reason I wrote my memoir - to let others know they're not alone.
There's still so much stigma attached to depression, and frankly it's probably the main reason I've spent years of my life self-medicating with drugs. If it's difficult to live with mental illness, then it's probably harder to watch someone you love struggle.
I know how helpless my family feels, and it kills me that this affects them.
When I'm feeling good, I still have almost daily cravings for meth - even after two and a half years of sobriety. When I'm on the down swing, the first thing I want to do is load up and numb out.
The longer I stay sober, though, the easier it is to work through my highs and lows. When I'm going along and things are great, I tend to forget that it's the highs AND the lows that allow me homeostasis. So when I wake up on some random morning, and depression smacks me in the face saying, "Remember me?" that is what I need to remember.
The good news is that I'm better at recognizing what's going on, and that makes it easier to get through the lows. These days, the good days far outweigh the not so good, so there's that. At least I've got that.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Brits Use Vending Machines to Distribute Methadone in Prisons
I found this article via a Twitter post. I'm stunned. I can see the thinking behind the idea. Not the logic, the thinking.
Brits Use Vending Machines to Distribute Methadone in Prisons by John Lee — Published: July 26, 2009
Candy bar, chips, cola...methadone; decisions, decisions…
British inmates may find their vending machines stocked up with an extra little something in the months to come as the Labour government implements a 4 million pound scheme to install methadone vending machines in roughly half of all prisons, nationwide. So far, machines are in place in 57 of a planned 140 prisons.
The machines are used to administer the opiate substitution medication to prisoners who have been assessed as opiate dependent and who would benefit from the substitution therapy. Supplying methadone to inmates reduces levels of illicit opiate use in prisons and helps opiate addicts manage their dependency.
To ensure that the medication is not diverted, the methadone vending machines will require a biometric identification, through the use of a retinal iris scan or a fingerprint, before they will dispense a day’s medication.
Although opposition politicians have ridiculed the vending machines, a Department of Health spokesperson defended their use, saying, “Methadone dispensers are a safe and secure method for providing a prescribed treatment. They can only be accessed by the person who has been clinically assessed as needing methadone and that person is recognized by a biometric marker, such as their iris.”
Opposition MP, Dominic Grieve, lambasted the plan, saying, “We need to get prisoners off all drug addiction -- not substitute one dependency for another. The government's approach of trying to 'manage' addiction is an admission of failure…The public will be shocked that Ministers are spending more on methadone vending machines than the entire budget for abstinence based treatments."
Although methadone is proven the most effective treatment for the management of opiate addiction, its use has always prompted controversy. Abstinence treatments for heroin addiction have shown very little long term efficacy, but tend to be an easier political sell.
Roughly 6400 Britons reside behind bars on drugs charges.
Brits Use Vending Machines to Distribute Methadone in Prisons by John Lee — Published: July 26, 2009
Candy bar, chips, cola...methadone; decisions, decisions…
British inmates may find their vending machines stocked up with an extra little something in the months to come as the Labour government implements a 4 million pound scheme to install methadone vending machines in roughly half of all prisons, nationwide. So far, machines are in place in 57 of a planned 140 prisons.
The machines are used to administer the opiate substitution medication to prisoners who have been assessed as opiate dependent and who would benefit from the substitution therapy. Supplying methadone to inmates reduces levels of illicit opiate use in prisons and helps opiate addicts manage their dependency.
To ensure that the medication is not diverted, the methadone vending machines will require a biometric identification, through the use of a retinal iris scan or a fingerprint, before they will dispense a day’s medication.
Although opposition politicians have ridiculed the vending machines, a Department of Health spokesperson defended their use, saying, “Methadone dispensers are a safe and secure method for providing a prescribed treatment. They can only be accessed by the person who has been clinically assessed as needing methadone and that person is recognized by a biometric marker, such as their iris.”
Opposition MP, Dominic Grieve, lambasted the plan, saying, “We need to get prisoners off all drug addiction -- not substitute one dependency for another. The government's approach of trying to 'manage' addiction is an admission of failure…The public will be shocked that Ministers are spending more on methadone vending machines than the entire budget for abstinence based treatments."
Although methadone is proven the most effective treatment for the management of opiate addiction, its use has always prompted controversy. Abstinence treatments for heroin addiction have shown very little long term efficacy, but tend to be an easier political sell.
Roughly 6400 Britons reside behind bars on drugs charges.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Thick, Chewy (and healthy) Oatmeal Cookies
The person I originally started posting these recipes for hasn't even read these posts. As predictable as he is, though, he'll come undone again any minute now, and I'll direct him back here.
I have received some great feedback from other people. Some addicts, some not. Maybe it has to do with the economic climate right now, but eating cheap while eating well seems to be going over well. So I'll continue.
These cookies are healthy, filling and yummy! You can use them as breakfast cookies, if you want. I think. Hell, to me, all cookies are breakfast cookies...and lunch cookies...and snack cookies...
Thick, Chewy Oatmeal Raisin Cookies
1 cup butter, softened (use margarine to cut cost. I like Imperial, but whatever. $.75 max)
1 1/3 cups packed brown sugar (buy bulk $.50)
2 eggs ($1.30/12 = .11 per egg = $.22 cents)
1 tsp. vanilla (if you don't already have some, borrow it or do without. It's better with, though)
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour ($.25 - buy bulk)
1 tsp. baking soda (nominal & you should already have)
1 tsp. cinnamon (see note for vanilla)
3 cups rolled oats ($.75 - bulk)
1 1/3 cups packed brown sugar (buy bulk $.50)
2 eggs ($1.30/12 = .11 per egg = $.22 cents)
1 tsp. vanilla (if you don't already have some, borrow it or do without. It's better with, though)
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour ($.25 - buy bulk)
1 tsp. baking soda (nominal & you should already have)
1 tsp. cinnamon (see note for vanilla)
3 cups rolled oats ($.75 - bulk)
1 1/2 cup raisins ($1.50 - bulk. If the raisins are a little dry, boil them in water, drain, use.)
1 cup chopped walnuts ($2.00 max - bulk) Raisins and nuts are the biggest expenses and both can be left out, but both add to the nutrition of this cookie.
1 cup chopped walnuts ($2.00 max - bulk) Raisins and nuts are the biggest expenses and both can be left out, but both add to the nutrition of this cookie.
1 Tbsp. ground flax seed (optional)
Cream together wet ingredients with electric mixer. (If you're really poor, put the bowl in the middle of a smallish table, insert a large mixing spoon into the ingredients, and run around the table as fast as you can 100 times while hanging onto the spoon.)
Add dry ingredients and mix well.
THIS PART IS IMPORTANT: chill the dough in the refrigerator at least 2-3 hours. You want the dough to be pretty hard. This is what will make the cookies really chewy.
Use a spoon to scoop out dough, roll it into a ball with your hands and gently press down as you put them on the cookie sheet.
Bake at 350 for about 12 minutes. Makes appx. 2 dozen, depending on how big your balls are. (I slay me...)
So here's the breakdown: $5.22 or about $.21 per cookie.
This recipe is obviously vegetarian. To veganize, use Nucoa margarine and Ener G, powdered egg substitute. It's about $5 for a box, but it will last forever.
You can also use any other dried fruit you like. The last batch I made has raisins and dried cranberries. Yum!
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