Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Why I wrote my memoir

People ask me why I wrote my book. What could I possibly have to add to the existing memoirs and other non-fiction books about meth addiction. There are two reasons.

1) There hasn't been, or maybe I should say, "I haven't come across," any accounts of meth abuse and recovery written by a woman.

2) There is a kind of hidden sub-set of meth addicts: middle to upper class, professional, soccer moms and dads...doctors and lawyers...cops and professors...

"Not every alcoholic is laying in the gutter, and not every meth addict has their teeth falling out and jib sores all over their face. People like me and lots of people I knew were doing meth for years and we had jobs and businesses. No one knew. Some of my friends suspected I had an eating disorder, but none of them thought I was a meth addict.

For addicts like me, your life might be a total shambles behind closed doors, but outwardly, you look fairly normal. That's the thing with meth, it's a little different for everybody."

Caitlin L. - 27 mos. clean

According to some substance abuse professionals, we are the hardest addicts to treat. The main reason is denial. We're called "functioning addicts" because we seem to lead typical lives. No one would ever suspect that beneath the facade lies the horror and shame of being a meth addict. I mean, really....who wants to be grouped in with the images people see every day in the media? That's not us. It's just not. It can't be, right? Meth is a drug used by dirty, low class people who were pretty fucked up to begin with. Right?

Not always. Meth has seeped its way into every nook and cranny of society in countries all over the globe. I've personally known teachers, doctors, lawyers, professors, cops and one highly decorated, retired marine, who was in his '70's - all in the throws of their addiction. Some of them are dead now. I don't know what happened to others. What I do know is that these people aren't isolated cases.

The following list is long, but not complete by any measure.

*Fairfax County, Virginia Teacher Charged With Possessing Methamphetamine (May 9th, 2008)

*Largest Kosher Meat Plant In U.S. Was Housing A Meth Lab (May 2008)

*Federal U.S. Postal Carrier Sentenced In Paradise, California - Had Six Year Meth Habit (May 2008)

*A Wisconsin Mother Who Was Given A Second Chance By A Judge After Her Child Died While She Was High On Methamphetamine Has Been Arrested Again For Drunk Driving With Her Children - Age 2 & 3 In The Car (May 2008)

*California Lawyer Gets 20 Years For Meth Scheme (May 29th, 2008)

*Indiana Correctional Officer Had Meth Lab In His Garage Police Allege (April 2008)

*Saint Landry Parish Deputy Crashes Cruiser And Admits To Being Under The Influence Of Crystal Meth, Cocaine, and Loritab (April 2008)

*Disney Star Pleads Guilty To Meth Charges (April 2008)

*A CNN Reporter Will Avoid Jail Time For Meth Possession If He Undergoes Drug Counseling And Therapy (April 18th, 2008).

*Cancer Researcher, Professor Of Pharmacology And Recipient Of Millions In Grants Sentenced To 35 months In Prison For Dealing Methamphetamine (October 2007).

*Cedar Ridge School District Teacher Faces Meth Charges (April 2008)

*Tuscon Ice Cream Distributor Suspected Of Selling Methamphetamine (April 2008)

*Doctor Who Pioneered AIDS Research Faces Jail Time Over Meth Use (April 2008)

*KFC Delivery Boy Arrested For Also Delivering Methamphetamine (March 2008)

*Mills High School English Teacher And Student Body Advisor Arrested For Possession Of Methamphetamine Was Filming Female Students In School Washroom Police Allege (March 2008)

*Oklahoma Lawyer Suspended Over Ethics Violations And Addiction To Methamphetamine (March 2008)

*Grandmother Sold Meth Near School (March 2008)

*Graham County High School Coach And Teacher Charged With 14 Counts Of Manufacturing Methamphetamine (March 2008)

*Cullman Teenager Arrested For Making Meth (March 2008)

*Meth Lab Found On Posey County Sheriff's Parents' Property (April 2008)

*Pickens Judge Indicted, Arrested On Another Drug Charge - Charged With Methamphetamine Possession Twice In Less Than Two Week

*Principal Of Alternative Learning School, Plus 27 Others Indicted As Members Of A Meth Ring.
*Lexington Lawyer Gets Two Years For Planning To Make Methamphetamine

*Daycare Was Doubling As A Methamphetamine Lab - Owners Charged.

*Teacher Accused Of Selling Methamphetamine From School.

*Spencer County Chief Deputy, 7 Others Indicted On Meth Manufacturing Charges.

*Wife Of County Judge Charged With Meth Possession

*59 Year Old Judge In Alabama Removed From Bench In 2006 After Arrest On Meth
Manufacturing Charge - Pleads Guilty In August 2007

*Bakersfield Teacher Accused Of Making Meth At Home & At School

*Licensed Lawyer & Three-time National Collegiate Champion Boxer Who Appeared On NBC's Reality Series "The Contender" Temporarily Suspended For Suspected Meth Use

*Thirteen & Fourteen Year Old Were Cooking Meth From Recipes Found On Internet

*Former Public Defender Sentenced To More Than Fifteen Years For Conspiracy To Distribute Meth

*Oregon Lawyer & State Repesentative Caught With Methamphetamine - Vows To Resign

*Second-grade Teacher At Johnson County Elementary School Arrested For Suspicion Of Meth Manufacturing

*Female attorney facing meth charges tests positive for the drug.

*Former UAF basketball player in court on meth charges

*County High School teacher arrested for possession of meth making chemicals

*A Highly Decorated 18-Year Veteran Of The Oakland County Sheriff's Department Charged With Possession Of Methamphetamine - Found Unconscious In Truck With Belt Around His Arm And A Syringe In His Lap.

*Luna County Sheriff's Deputy Charged With Possession Of Methamphetamine.

*22 Year Veteran Of Honolulu Police Force Gets Five Years Prison For Selling Methamphetamine

*81 Year-Old Man Faces Up To 12 Years In Prison After Being Convicted Of Selling Methamphetamine.

*Retired St. Paul Police Officer Pleads Guilty To Possession Of 12 Pounds Of Methamphetamine With Intent To Distribute

*Speech Language Pathologist With Fort Smith School District Accused Of Delivery Of Methamphetamine.

*District Attorney's nephew to stand trial for methamphetamine & burglary charges

*Sheriff's Deputy in Sanpete County, Utah Charged With Using And Stealing Methamphetamine From A Police Evidence Room

*50 Year Old Elementary School Art Teacher Charged With Keeping Meth In Desk

*Anti-Drug Investigator charged with stealing seven kilos of methamphetamine.

*Dallas County Sheriff Awaits Court Appearance Over Missing Guns, Money, Marijuana And Methamphetamine.

*Award-winning Anti-Drug Essayist Gets 10 Years For Distributing Meth

*Special Education Teacher In Oahu Accused Of Dealing Crystal Meth

*83 Year Old Woman Accused Of Attempting To Smuggle 10 Pounds Of Meth

*Fernley Intermediate School Teacher And Husband Charged With Selling Methamphetamine

*First Grade Elementary School Teacher Arrested For Allegedly Possessing Methamphetamine

*Animal Control Officer Arrested For Possession Of Methamphetamine

*One Of The Nation's Most Influential Evangelical Leaders Admits To Buying Methamphetamine

*Drug Counselor In New York Charged With Operating A Meth Lab

*Children's Aid Society Worker Convicted Of Trafficking A Kilo Of Methamphetamine

*Citibank VP Had A Meth Lab In His Penthouse

*Former Bank Of America Manager And Meth Addict Commits Suicide In Jail

*Doctoral Student And Fullbright Scholar At Columbia University Charged With Making Meth

*Cook County Assistant State’s Attorney Charged With Meth Possession

*Operator Of Deadly Crane Collapse Had A History Of Meth Use

*Senior Citizen Was Selling Crystal Methamphetamine From Home

*Third Grade Teacher Busted For Fraud, Possession Of Methamphetamine

*Former Beauty Pageant Winner Was Addicted To Meth

*Moss Point Police Officer Arrested For Possession With Intent To Distribute Methamphetamine

*2003 Mississippi "Businessman Of The Year" Charged With Operating Meth Lab

*Former Hutchinson Correctional Facility Employee Pleads Guilty To Trafficking Methamphetamine

*Prominent Estate Lawyer Arrested For Methamphetamine

*Louisiana Doctor Pleads Guilty To Buying Half Pound Of Methamphetamine

*Town Official (50) And Wife (48) Charged With Operating Meth Lab

*Member Of The Crystal Lake City Council Charged With Possession Of Methamphetamine

*Mayor, Police Chief, Police Dispatcher & Bail Bondsman Face Charges Involving Methamphetamine, Theft & Sex Ring

*Wabash Valley Correctional Facility Officer Arrested For Financing Delivery Of Methamphetamine

*Manager Of Marysville Burger King Charged With Selling Methamphetamine From The Drive-Through Window

*First Grade teacher at Christ the King School Arrested In Maui's Biggest Drug Bust - 14 1/2 Pounds Of Cocaine, 6 Pounds Of Crystal Methamphetamine Seized

*Former Howard High School Teacher Sentenced To Six Years For Meth Distribution Conspiracy

*Former County Prosecutor On Drug Charges - Detectives Discover Methamphetamine, Guns And Drug Paraphernalia In Attorney's Home

*Former National Merit Scholar Semi-Finalist With BA In Psychology & Olympic Track Aspirations Pleads Guilty To Murdering Girlfriend During "Methamphetamine-Induced Psychosis"

*Former River Hill High School Teacher Sentenced To 6 1/2 Years For Scheme To Sell $ 50,000 Worth Of Methamphetamine

*Former Brownwood Police Officer Sentenced In Methamphetamine Distribution Conspiracy

*75 Year Old Grandmother Sold Methamphetamine From Home

*Special Education Aide At Carson City School District Arrested For Suspicion Of Felony Possession Of Methamphetamine

*Employee Of Health And Human Services Arrested On Suspicion Of Felony Trafficking In Methamphetamine

*50 Year Old Middle School Principal In Pennsylvania Accused Of Dealing Methamphetamine From His Office

*Ex-Township Supervisor In Michigan Pleads Guilty In Meth Case

*Vice President And CEO of Company That Distributed Over-The-Counter Cold Medicines To Convenience Stores Gets 20 Years Prison For Conspiracy To Distribute Ingredients Used To Make Meth

*Use Of Methamphetamine By Grandmother Played A Role In The Death Of Her Grandson In Vehicle Fire, Drug Expert Testifies

*Kids Soccer Coach In Michigan Arrested On Charges Of Manufacturing/Delivery Of Methamphetamine

*Former California State Prison Guard Pleads Guilty To Smuggling Methamphetamine Into Amador County Prison And Delivering It To Inmates

*Radio Personality From Central Georgia Sentenced To Prison On Federal Charge Involving Methamphetamine

*23-year veteran of the St. Paul Police Department goes to federal prison next month to start serving a five year sentence on a methamphetamine charge.

*Custodian At High School For More Than Eight Years Allegedly Sold Crystal Meth Out Of Her Car And On Campus

*Major Housing Developer Accused of buying $ 50,000 worth of methamphetamine in Pennsylvania

*Convenience Store Owner Charged With Meth Trafficking

*Daughter Of Chief Justice In Canada Pleads Guilty To Several Charges Relating To Identity Fraud - Family Says Addiction To Crystal Meth Is To Blame

*Seventeen Year Old Teen Overcome By Fumes While Trying To Cook Crystal Meth Was "Just Trying To Learn About Science."

*Man Described As A Model Citizen And Family Man Behind New Jersey's Largest Ever Meth Seizure

*Evansville Attorney Accused Of Having A Meth Lab Inside His Law Office

*43 year old Phenix City, Alabama elementary school teacher was arrested Friday night for allegedly manufacturing methamphetamine in her home.

*Iowa Doctor Arrested For Possession With Intent To Deliver After 11 Pounds Of Meth Found In His Home

*Lawyer Charged With Deputy's Death Had Methamphetamine In His System

*63 year Old Former Lake Ozark Alderman Busted For Methamphetamine

*47 Year Old Pottsboro Dentist Arrested for Meth Use

*Second Lawyer In Two Weeks Arrested For Selling Meth To Police Informant In Evansville

*Probation Officer Arrested For Selling Methamphetamine

*Attorney & Chairman of National Drug Council Convicted Of Meth Possession (Cayman Islands)
*Police Chief In Damascus Virginia Charged With Selling Meth To Undercover Informant

*Popular Country Singer Who Topped The Charts In The 70's Charged With Possession Of Meth
*Resident At Veterans Administation Hospital Found Making Meth In Room

*Grandmother, 83 Was A Meth Cook Authorities Allege

*Former Sheriff's Deputy Pleads Guilty To Possession Of 33 Bags Of Crystal Meth

*46 Year Old Athletic Director Of Butler High School In Missouri Arrested For Running A Meth Lab

**Special thanks to


  1. It's overwhelming how prevalent this problem is. So many people addicted to this drug. How do people get into it, is what I want to know. Is it hanging around with the wrong crowd or being pressured or being curious?


  2. Jai,

    There are so many reasons. It's so appealing in the beginning. You have energy, stamina, your sex drive is through the roof. It does surprise me that with all the information today, meth abuse is still so prevalent. When I started using, the information wasn't there like it is now, although I don't know that it would have made a difference.

    Meth works, primarily, on dopamine - the chemical in the brain responsible for pleasure. When we eat a great meal, do things we really enjoy, have an orgasm...dopamine is released which causes that euphoric feeling.

    Here is a great web site with tons of useful information.