Sunday, June 21, 2009

Pursuing my dream

I've entered another writing contest. This time, it's a short story that I rewrote a bit before entering it here:

If you would take a few minutes to register (registration is free) and give me feedback, I would appreciate it.

I'm also brainstorming to come up with an idea for another short story for a different contest. I figure all these things will keep me busy while I'm waiting for some brilliant agent to swoop me up out of the slush pile and escort me to my official career as an AUTHOR.

As an addict (and I know I've talked about this before) time can be a real enemy. One of the most difficult things about getting sober is trying to figure out what to do with all the time you suddenly have. Using is a full time job. The days and nights are filled with finding drugs, doing drugs and wondering when and where to get more drugs. Desperately running like a hamster in a cage trying to maintain your high or, more accurately, trying to not come down from the high.

When I speak to women's groups at the Walker Center, I always address the time issue and there are always lots of questions. What do you do when you finally get sober? If you don't find a meaningful way to fill your time, you're doomed to relapse.

All I know is what worked for me, and this is what I tell them:
Think back to when you were young...a little kid. What was your passion? What were your dreams? What did you love to do whether you were good at it or not? Paint, draw, dance, sing, play music, play make-believe (with adults this is called theater or drama...or mental illness, which is a whole different gig...) hike, yoga, lift weights, climb hills or mountains or, as cheesy as it sounds, volunteer. Whatever it is, when you find it, it will be monumental in maintaining your sobriety.

For me, it's writing. So for good or ill, I'm going for it. I'm putting myself "out there" and I've had some success. I hope to have more. For that to happen, though, I have to keep at it...and I am. And most days I'm happy. Some days I'm content and other days are plain shitty, but it's all good. The more sober time I have, the easier it is to find the strength (guts) to risk embarrassment or rejection. Everything else aside, this blog feels like a huge risk for me. Who am I to write a blog? Why do I think anyone would be interested in anything I have to say? Who the hell cares about my sobriety or my writing goals? Maybe no one. So I do it for me. I do it because I love to write. So even if no one other than my parents (hi, guys!) read this, I feel good about what I'm doing.

And with all this damn writing going on, who the hell has time to light up/spike up/drink up/rail up?


  1. Stay strong, be well, and keep writing! Sharing your thoughts and experiences may save lives and that's a very good thing! God bless!

  2. Thank you. And thank you for visiting. My intent with this blog (and my book) is to reach out to let them know they're not alone. I would like to do something to make it easier for people to seek help/treatment. I know that for me, it was shame and guilt that prevented me from seeking treatment until it was almost too late.